Sunday, May 31, 2009

The angry is back!

I realized that I have not blogged in four months.  It is truly appalling.  These are the reasons:

1. I got married.  Thanks, send money.
2. I have had really really really bad writer's block.
3.  Facebook and Twitter are a little easier to maintain.
4.  I'm lazy.
5.  I'm about to go through a major move, so most of my free time has been given over to stress.

There.  And even though I am facing a time where I am potentially dealing with a very long loss of internet, I feel like I must blog a few more times.

Plus, the angry is back.  It's back in full force, for many reasons.  Would you like the reasons?  Here they are:

1.  The shooting of Dr. George Tiller.  At his fucking CHURCH, no less.  How fucking low do you have to be?
2.  Even lower:  Operation Rescue's reaction to the shooting of Dr. Tiller.  Really, Randall Terry?He just brought it on himself?  REALLY.  Wow.  I just wonder what compels them all.
3.  Of course we all know that they upheld Prop. 8 in California.  Fucking fuckhole fuckers.  This makes me so angry I can't even articulate.  Seriously, all that's in my head is AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHFUCKERSAAAARRRRRGH.  It continues to blow my mind that people who are NOT EVEN INVOLVED in other peoples lifestyles CONFUCKINGTINUE to interfere in them.
4.  Fucking religion.  I move closer and closer to total atheism every day.  I think you can be a spiritual atheist.  I might just start calling myself that.
5.  An article written by one Carol Sarler of the Daily Mail about how childfree people are inhuman.  I will link to the article.  But I'm also preparing to take the piss out of it.  Here's your length warning.  And if you're childfree, here's also your warning that you will feel insulted, offended and upset at this woman's choice of words.  It's by far the most disgusting anti-childfree article I've ever read.

This is not someone's blog, now.  This is actually a column, in a well-known publication.  The obvious hatred this woman feels for us shines through in every sentence.  She's green (with envy, you know it) and I am red (with fiery bloody anger.)  I've also edited out some superfluous paragraphs, so if you want to read the article uncut, click here.

Much as I like to trumpet the importance of a woman's right to choose all things at all times, there's one choice I simply cannot understand: the choice of an otherwise sane and healthy woman not to have children.

Well, it's good you got the hypocrisy out in the air, lady.  I can choose to punch you in the face, and you're okay with that, but I choose to live my life the way I see fit and you can't get that?  Is that how it works?

If a would-be mother is a singleton of 40 who decides to have a baby without a partner, I might wish she'd thought of it sooner and prepared for it better - but I understand.

If she's half of a lesbian couple who 'borrows' the wherewithal, I might cross my fingers that the child is not teased at school - but I understand. Even if she's a 66-year- old pregnant pensioner, threatening to turn motherhood into a freak show, I might (indeed, I do) think she's monstrously selfish and dangerously wrong - but again, more or less, I understand.

This is just mind-boggling.  Mind-boggling.  She's more understanding of someone turning motherhood--something she considers sacred--into a freak show than she is of someone who decides to divorce themselves from said freak show?

Yet if she says she hasn't a shred of maternal feeling in her, moreover, if she says she would prefer to concentrate on her career and that a child would only get in the way of it, then my head might acknowledge her right to do so. But my heart whispers: 'Lady, you're weird.'

My head understands your feelings on this subject.  After all, it's amazing to me that anyone would want to squeeze something the size of a watermelon out their vagina and then have to clean up its poo and vomit for years.  Hey, I clean up after my cat, so I understand.  But you know what my heart whispers?  "Lady, you are a nosy, judgemental, interfering sack of cunts."  My heart has a pretty blue vocabulary.

It was welcome news, therefore, to discover this week that I am not alone. Research conducted over six years shows that far from bosses and colleagues always being suspicious of a working mother, the opposite is becoming true: it is the childless woman who is regarded as cold and odd.

What research?  Care to cite that?  Oh, wait, YOU NEVER DO DURING THE COURSE OF THE ENTIRE ARTICLE.  So you'll pardon me if I find your facts and statistics and assumptions to be just a LITTLE one-sided.  Now it is true that childfree women are regarded as odd if they're in a workplace full of childed people.  Because they don't have a whole lot of say in an office conversation about poopy fucking diapers, do they?  So because they don't coo over baby pictures and feel up the preggo bellies of their co-workers, they're considered odd and standoffish by their cliquey co-workers.  Not a whole lot of effort is made by the mommies to include non-mommies into their little world.  And if you can't, that's not a bad thing.  CF people don't necessarily want to be included in a conversation about soiled nappies and toddler vomit.  But something we also don't want is to be vilified because we don't fit in.  Which is pretty much what this self-described "VERY outspoken mother and former boss" does over the course of this so-called article.

Yeah, it gets worse.

As a result, it is these single-track careerists who are increasingly likely to be vilified, refused jobs and denied promotion because many employers believe them to lack what the study calls 'an essential humanity'. And I know exactly what they mean.

Yep.  Not only are we cold and odd, but we're also inhuman.  That's lovely, isn't it?  It's a wonderful thing to be called.  She goes on.  It sickens me to copy/paste it, but you've got to see it to believe it.

In the little hothouse of my own trade as a hack (I must at least mention that I appreciate the honesty and integrity of this statement, because by dog, you are indeed a hack), I play a game with myself. Reading all the other female scribblers, sometimes with grudging admiration and sometimes none at all, I try to guess from their expression of their world view whether or not they are mothers.

I haven't - yet - been wrong. Now, with MPs so much in the headlines, I've extended the game and started to guess about the women among them, too.As far as I can tell, my score is also pretty high there - even though it's just a feeling. On both sides of the political divide, as with the writers, it's not what MPs say or do, so much as how they go about it.
 
'Mothers bring something extra.'

And if that touch of 'essential humanity' - or its absence - colours such notably tough professions, it's hardly surprising that employers are starting to notice that the same applies across the spectrum of workplaces.

Wow.  My only reaction to this self-righteous smug-fest is wow.  Because what it pretty much implies is that the people who are mothers say things that Mrs. Sarler likes, and finds to be morally sound.  The things that the inhuman, incomplete, barren and bitter childfree and childless do and say, however... well, she sees those things are very bad indeed.  Let us be further enlightened by her amazing superior mind, shall we?  For the mind of a mother is always resting on a higher moral plane.  Oh yes indeed.

Besides which, in my experiences both as a colleague and an employer, I have found that mothers almost always bring something extra to the job, to the benefit of all.

It's not the mothers, for a start, who are going to turn up late and hungover after a night on the razz; they'll have been up, dressed and alert for hours, having cooked a family breakfast and delivered their children to school. On time.

What fucking June Cleaver fucking dimension are you living in, lady?  Because--and no insult to my own mother, who did the best she could and I love her--that shit never happened to me growing up.  And how fucking insulting, to just assume that ALL childfree people are out partying every night?  We're not all twenty years old, you know.  You think just because we don't choose to take on the responsibility of raising another human being, we're just naturally irresponsible people?  Amazing.  Way to generalize, bitch.  Not only about the childfree, but about parents as well.  Not every mommy is up at the crack of dawn scrambling eggs for her babies, just as every childfree person isn't out partying till the crack of dawn every night without a care in the world.

It's not the mothers, usually, who run the office bitch-fest.

Really.  Every situation I've been in suggests otherwise.  You know who runs the office bitch-fest?  The bitches.  Both the mommies and the non-mommies.  That's why they call it a bitch-fest, because it's a festival the bitches run.  I'm sure you know, because you must have run a few yourself, Mrs. Sarler.

They're not there to compete for the attentions of the male executives; they're there to get out of the house; they're there because they genuinely enjoy some adult company; and they're there because they have mouths to feed other than their own and shoes to buy for someone else's feet.

Oh, of course, because all childfree women are cock-hungry bitch-festers, right?  First of all, a great deal of CF women--in fact, most of the CF women I know--are in committed, stable relationships and aren't looking for an office fling because they're perfectly happy at home.  They get to have sex whenever and wherever they want in their house because they won't be interrupted by or disturb their children.  They have time to spend with each other and devote it to strengthening their relationship.  Even to assume that a single CF woman has nothing more on her mind than chasing office cock is insulting in the extreme.  We do have households to support, too.  Granted, our expenses aren't as high as those of someone who has a few extra air-breathers running around, but they do exist, and we do have motivation to get to work so that we can maintain them.  So that argument is pretty fucking weak, lady.

But rarely have I encountered a mother who did not offer to make up time lost, often in lunch hours. As for leaving on time, put enough mothers together in one workplace and you'll get rid of the ghastly ethos of 'presenteeism', whereby people vie for plaudits based solely on how late - albeit often uselessly - they hang around the office.

Yes, because the childfree women of the working world have nothing better to do than just hang around the office late racking up extra hours so they can pay for all the martinis they imbibe when they're out partying all night.  Like a fucking mom wouldn't do that if they could get away with it.  We're all at our jobs to make money.  And the childfree are just as likely to be staying late, getting the work that the mommies couldn't stay and finish because they had to go pick up Bratley Junior at daycare.  That's right, bitch, generalization works both ways.

You cannot be a mother without knowing something about selflessness, compassion, generosity, commitment, fierce loyalty and plain hard work. You cannot - surely - be a boss and not value assets such as those in your staff.

Oh, you can be a mother and still lack all those qualities.  I mean, it would be nice if everyone's mom had these qualities, but I could link you to a million stories that prove otherwise.  And surely a lot of employers out there realize that if a person, male or female, has these qualities, they are not exclusive to parents.  Except for you, of course, Mrs. Sarler.  I expect you wouldn't have hired someone like me, despite my record of being dependable, loyal, hard-working and selfless (damn right I'm tooting my own horn here, I know how fucking good I am) because I've never gotten knocked up.  And I'm therefore inhuman and incapable of truly being in touch with humanity.

But, more than all the things we want, we actually need our children; they complete us as women, they are our light and our love and our legacy.

We feel desperately sorry for those who yearn for children they cannot have; the unwilling barren, if you will. But when we meet a woman who chooses her childlessness in the belief that there is something out there worth more, we smile politely even while - once again - our guts whisper: 'Lady, you're weird.'

Last time it was your heart whispering.  You mean your guts whisper, too?  How unique.  You must be the Internal Organs Whisperer.  Hey, you know what?  I'm not weird.  I'm myself.  I'm me.  I have my own individuality, I choose not to play the role of breeder and let my offspring define who I am.  And you're jealous as hell about it because you played the game, you didn't think you had the choice, and you are fooling yourself into thinking you're the greatest thing since cable television just because your body performed a biological function and you popped one out.  Not only that, but because some women choose not to have their body go through this biological function, you claim that we are not really true women, that we're incomplete.  If we can't have babies, we get your pity and sympathy, but if we don't want babies, you somehow think that we're less human than you are.  You know what?  I think that's pretty fucking weird, lady.

So three cheers for the employers who are catching on, the ones who don't want to people their workforces with the cold, the calculating, the sad and the mad. The only question is: what took you so long?

Oh, well, I don't know... maybe they were busy trying to hire people who would show up for work on time, work hard without starting office bitch-fests, and stay loyal to their company.  According to you, of course, only a mother can be this kind of person.  Guess I might as well give up trying to be a good employee, then, because only a mommy can really do my job.

I can't even begin to describe the hurt I felt in my heart when I read this article.  I got pretty fucking pissed off, too, but honestly I'm more upset and offended than anything else.  The thought that there are more people out there... shallow, soulless judgemental people like Mrs. Sarler who feel this way about someone else's life choice really, seriously hurts my heart and soul.  All this judgement about a life that they are not going to live, about a life that is not even going to affect their own.  To me, that's pretty fucking sad.  I am really really sorry for you, Mrs. Sarler, you and all your judgemental, small-minded ilk.  You can't look at someone who is different from you, who thinks differently from you, and tolerate it.  You might say you can; you can go on and on about a woman's freedom to make a choice all the livelong day, but in the end, if you can't accept the childfree, then you can't make the claim that you're open-minded.  You certainly can't make the claim that you are compassionate and understanding.

If you made the claim that you're a giant sack of cunts, though... well, that's something I can agree with wholeheartedly.

***UPDATE***

Heh, apparently I'm not alone in denouncing this deplorable article.  And not the first.  Which in my mind is a very good thing.  So I feel like I should mention that this subject has been mentioned over at Childfree Clique, ChildfreedomBy Choice, and Like It Is.  Any other blogs that have mentioned what total bullshit this article was will be gladly linked here, as I find them, and as you give 'em to me.  Yeah.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Interview with the El Sidpire... wow. That was pretty terrible.

All right, this is getting out about a week later than I intended it to, but my excuses are many and mostly valid.  The best excuse is that I was really sick Thursday night, recovered Friday day, then got even sicker Friday night and all day Saturday.  Plus the other times I was working, and I got worn out from work really fast 'cause I'd been sick.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  Don't bother with any sympathy, though, honestly, I'm fine now.  I like being fussed over when I am sick, but after the fact I don't care for it; I just want to forget it happened.

So, let's not talk about it anymore!  Let's talk about being INTERVIEWED!  Yay!

These questions came to me from Margot at The Thoughts Of A Jersey Girl, who had, in her turn, been interviewed by another blogger.  It's one o' them fun things going around in bloggyland, apparently, though I'm sure I'm way late to the party.  But that's the way I am, son.  That's how I roll.  I roll in fashionably late.

Right.  Let's get on to it before I get even more ridiculous:

1)You have the option to move anywhere in the world - job and money provided - where do you go?

I would go to New Zealand, probably.  No, I've never been there before.  I have no idea if it sucks or not.  But every picture I've seen of the place is pure beauty.  Especially the areas where they filmed the Lord Of The Rings movies... every bit of it seemed familiar and true.  That's probably because it exists exactly as I always imagined Middle Earth to be.  Hey, this is a whole fantasy scenario here anyway, so why not?


2) Who was the one person you couldn't stand when you were in school? 

Just one?  Ah ha ha ha... seriously, though, I can't hold a grudge like that.  I don't care enough about the people who teased me or were mean to me to even remember who upset me the most at the time.  I mean, if you'd asked me this question when I was thirteen I would probably have given you a very different answer!  But as it is, I have no hard feelings about any of it... it's just part of what kids do.  Some of them are still rotten bullies, I'm sure, but I know that more of them either regret making fun of me and the other dorky dweebasaurs or they just don't think about it anymore.


3) You are going to visit President Obama to bring some importantproblem to his attention that he'll take immediate action to - what is the topic? 

Overpopulation.  It's a very controversial point, but it's something I feel strongly about.  I honestly feel that overpopulation is one of the greatest contributing factors to every major problem our country--and, indeed, even the world--is facing.  Too many people use up too many resources and cause too much pollution.  And no one wants to admit it because they're all hung up on their "life is preeeeshious" preconditioning.  It'd be nice if people would just admit that overpopulation is a serious environmental threat and responsible breeding (having two or less children) is a way to live green and reduce this carbon footprint everyone's so hung up on.

This is a really great article on the subject:  Population: The Elephant In The Room.


4) You are offered a job at Ben & Jerrys to create ice cream flavors, what is the first new flavor? 

Blood and Chocolate.  It would be an Elvis Costello tribute, and it would be a toffee ice cream with chocolate truffle chunks and a dark reddish-amber caramel swirl.  The caramel would also have sea salt in it.  IT WOULD BE THE MOST DELICIOUS THING EVER.  Elvis Costello will think I am awesome for coming up with it and write a song about me.  Then, the pink unicorns will take me on a ride over the moon with their rainbow wings.

5) What got you into beading?

I had always been interested in it, but very intimidated, and very ignorant.  Before I got a job at a bead store, I just made these weak little strung necklaces on thread.  But when I actually learned the basics, I got immersed into it... it's just been very satisfying for me artistically.  All the colors, the textures, the materials, the possibilities... they just fascinate me.  I can't imagine ever giving it up.  To me, it's more than a hobby... more than an obsession, even.  My life revolves around beads.  That's just the way it is.

All right!  You loved it!  Yes, you learned all sorts of new things.  Oh, and hey, guess what?  You have the opportunity to learn EVEN MORE.  Any of you are welcome to interview me... just shoot me an e-mail or leave me a comment with your five questions (I don't check my e-mail that much, just warning you now.)  Any of you are also welcome to be interviewed by me, also!  It's a good thing to blog if you can't think of anything to blog, you know.

Another fun fact, I am terrible at ending blog entries.  So I'm just gonna end it.  Yeah.

A test and a teaser.

First of all, my ears are awesome... I think.



Train Horn

Created by Train Horn



Second of all, I am working on a new blog which may or may not see the light of day today.  I was going to start doing it last night, but got distracted and ended up listening to music and playing Free Cell for two hours.  Eh, sometimes you gotta just let the ol' mind go.

But!  You will want to stay tuned for this next blog, because.  I am being interviewed!  Yes indeed, Margot from The Thoughts Of A Jersey Girl has asked me questions, and I shall respond unto them.

Until then, prepare to laugh harder at this than you have at anything in your entire fucking life:



Man, I love The Onion.

AND WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT...

I would be very much amiss if I did not note that today is the 15th anniversary of the death of William Melvin Hicks, who I consider to be one of the greatest minds of this century.  He was so much more than just a comedian, he was an enlightened and beautiful soul.

My friend Jay over at Foward To Death wrote a really moving entry about Bill Hicks, so please go and read it.  But first, enjoy another video.  This is taken from a documentary about Bill narrated by Jeneane Garafalo, and includes Bill's last live performance before his death in 1994.




I never understood why Letterman never aired that.  Until recently, fifteen years later.  He had Mary Hicks, Bill's mother, on the show, and apologized profusely, and finally aired the tape.  Previously, the original tape had been destroyed, and Mary Hicks was sent the only copy.  I'm going to go ahead here and post all three videos of Letterman's interview with Mary Hicks and the airing of Bill's banned performance.  Enjoy!






Sunday, February 22, 2009

Crossposted, like the stars crossing paths, in the night, on Facebook.

Album art fun!!!




To Do This:
1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random”
or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"
or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.

And there ya go.  By the way, the Valea Caselor River is a tributary of the Moldova river in Romania. The quote was from Oscar Wilde: "We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities." The art apparently is hanging in someone's hallway, held up with pushpins.

It's really not that far off from how I would figure out my own band and album name, if ever a thing were to occur.

I actually have another non-ranting picture-based post in the works, but it'll likely have to wait for tomorrow.  It will be fun.  I will enjoy it.  And so will you.

For now, just remember:  Everyone is stupid and deserves to die.

Monday, February 16, 2009

I'm giving this bitch far too much attention.

But it just gets more and more fucktarded the more I hear about it.

I mean FUUUUUUCKtarded.

Oh, I read the Wikipedia page on Octocunt (I decided to start calling her that.  You likey?  You likey) in a little more depth today, and noticed a brief paragraph where, though she denies it, she's apparently tried to get in contact with Angelina Jolie several times.  I imagine the messages that might end up on Angie's voice mail....

"Angelina!  Did you get my letters?  I sent ten of them yesterday, did you get them?  I named all my children after you, Angelina!  I named them all Angelina and Angel and Ange and Lina and Angie and Jolie and Ina and Jo!  I can give you one if you want one!  I've got plenty!  I've got more than you've got!  I have some extra donated breast milk, do you want it?  I can send you some of mine if you'd rather have some of mine!  Angelina!  I love you!  I want to cut your skin off and wear it to my birthday party!"

I'm such a sarcastic ass.  You love me.

Oh, and it's nice to see that some parents were as put off by Octocunt as I am... though I must say they're much nicer about it.  The woman who wrote the article I linked for your pleasure in the previous sentence came up with some questions I think should have been asked.  Granted I know this article was written by someone who saw only the soft-core interview that aired on Today and not, apparently, the slightly less edited for the morning crowd version that aired on Dateline the next night.  Still... pretty good questions, I think.  Now I know Octocunt is too busy spending 45 minutes holding every single one of her zerglings every day and telling them she loves them while her parents look after her other fifty million hive creatures, so I've taken it upon myself to answer these questions on her behalf, in a sickening shade of pink.  I feel it's the least I can do to help.

From the article:

1. Have you purchased infant seats for your babies yet?

Oh, well, I'm waiting on a infant seat manufacturer to give them to me, but if all fails I guess I'll see if they'll take food stamps for them.  But they'll be okay, because my LOVE for them will keep them strapped in safe and tight no matter where we go!

2. What vehicle will you use to transport all of them?

Oh, well, since my parent's 3-bedroom house is big enough for my six current children and the eight that are coming, I figure I'll just use whatever car I've got already.  If I pack them in there enough, I won't even need child saftey seats!  They're already used to being all squished together in my uterus anyway!

3. Have you contacted your health insurance provider yet to get your children signed up for your health care plan?

I sure did!  Thanks, Uncle Sam!

4. Did you check with your city's zoning commission to confirm that 15 people are permitted to occupy a three-bedroom, single family house?

What?  I'm sorry, that's not my problem, it's not my house.  I'm too busy loving my children.  I spend all my time with them, you know.  Everything I do revolves around them.  I'm going to take them to Magical Unicorn Pony Sunshine Land every day to play with Angelina and Brad's children and give them all magic lollies because I will have a high-paying job and will be able to afford to buy them lollies and popsicles any time they want and I will tell them I love them for ever and ever and ever and ever!

5. If, by your own admission, your parents gave you such a dysfunctional childhood, why are you entrusting them with the care of your older children?

Oh, well, you see I love my children far more than my parents ever loved me.  So it doesn't matter if other people who don't love them as much as I do watch them, because I love them enough, so my love will protect them from all the dysfunction now so it's okay.

6. Who would have legal custody of all 14 of your children should something happen to you?

But nothing will ever happen to me!  God will watch over us all and make us all safe forever and ever and we will live in Magical Unicorn Pony Rainbow Happy Lolly Land with Angelina and Brad and all the children will scamper through the morning dew and brighten the universe with their smiles!  So it's just silly to ask me that question, don't even ask it.

7. When you finally do earn your Master's degree, what sort of salary could you expect to earn once you get a job?

Oh, well, of course by the time I finish my schooling I will have just the most amazing job in the world and be able to provide for all my children.  Of course if I was really smart I would have gotten the education and the job first before I started squirting them out, but since my children are gifts from God and the angels obviously they have to come first.

8. Have you arranged for daycare or another childcare provider should your parents decide not to babysit your children?

Of course, that's why I write to Angelina every day!  I'm sure she'll help, she has at least seven nannies!  But if not, I'm sure the government has a program.  Oh, it's not taking money from taxpayers!  It's government assistance, and that's TOTALLY different!

9. Have you discussed the octuplets' arrival with your older children?

Oh, they're all retarded so they wouldn't understand.

10. How will you support your family if the big corporate sponsorships and donations don't come through for you?

Well, there's always my sickeningly hideous smarmy website, where stupid goobs like me who think that the only thing in the world that matters is squirting out babies can give me donations.  Once I finish my education I'll be able to get a job that will provide for all of them, and once Angelina realizes that we were seperated at birth and accepts me as a sister we can all live in Happy Magical Unicorn Fairy Princess Pony Rainbow Sunshine Ice Cream land in our Sparkling Wonder Gemstone Princess Castle together forever!!!!

She's livin' in a fantasy world, seriously.  Who the fuck is going to hire a single mother of 14!

Notice that all the octoswarm babies' names end in the letter "H" and sound vaugely biblical.  This disturbs me.  It's always the funditards who breed like fucking bunnies, isn't it?  And for some reason, give their children alliterative names.

Someone get a gun and shoot me.  I don't think I want to live in this world with these people anymore.  It'll be easier if I just leave.  Fucking hell.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

So many rantings... so little time.

Knowing me like I know you do, I am sure you are curious as to why I have not yet ranted about that fucking evil stupid idiot bitch who had the octuplets.  Well, first of all, there is not enough room in the entire internets to capture the contempt and disgust I feel for this woman.  Second of all, no one wants to read an entire blog post of incoherent paragraphs of key mashing, death threats, and curse words.  All in caps.  Third of all, this mentally incompetent idiot cunt and her twat hatchlings have gotten far, far, far FAR too much attention.


Therefore, for these three very valid reasons, I had planned to refrain from ranting about her.  But... dammit, I can't fight this feeling anymore.  (If you get an REO Speedwagon stuck in your head I apologize.  It's there in mine, too.)  I can't help but rant about her.  Jesus, this idiot represents everything I loathe about irresponsible breeding and the media attention it recieves.

Speaking of media attention, here's an article!  You know how I do it.

LOS ANGELES – Los Angeles police say they will investigate death threats against octuplet mom Nadya Suleman.

Police Lt. John Romero says Thursday that officers are meeting with Suleman's publicist Mike Furtney about the flood of angry phone calls and e-mail messages.

Word that the 33-year-old single, unemployed mother is receiving public assistance to care for the 14 children she conceived through in vitro fertilization has stoked furor among many people.

So not only is she wasting taxpayer money to get support for 14 children that SHE GOT IMPLANTED WITH ON PURPOSE, she's wasting more of it paying police officers to investigate death threats against her.  Great.  Like she didn't bring this on herself.  Like she's just an innocent little lamb in all this.  Poor poor thing.  I just weep for her.

Furtney says 500 new e-mails were received early Thursday.

Only 500?  Shit, those were probably all from me.  In spirit, anyway.

"We're talking to the Los Angeles Police Department to get their best advice as to how to regard these messages," Furtney said as the phone in his office rang constantly.

He is also consulting with a security professional to get advice on any precautions that might need to be taken.

Furtney says Suleman is living in an undisclosed location and spends time with all of her kids every day. He says not all of the calls are angry. One family from the Midwest has invited Suleman and her brood to live on their farm.

Her brood.  How appropriate.

"One thing that keeps me from jumping out the window is that we've heard from many people offering some kind of support: clothing, food, financial or other help," Furtney said.

Oh, ha ha, that's funny, Mr. Furtney.  Because, ironically enough, your client makes me want to jump out the window!  BECAUSE SHE PAID FOR IN-FUCKING-VITRO AND THEN EXPECTS THE GOVERNMENT TO HELP HER RAISE HER SWARM!  GAAAAH!

Suleman has been supporting her six other children with $490 a month in food stamps and receives Social Security disability payments for three of the youngsters that could total $2,379 a month.  She has estimated her in vitro fertilization procedures have cost $100,000.

Fucking bitch.  You know how much good $100,000 dollars would do people--hell, children--who are ALREADY HERE?  But noooooo, she's gotta add to her collection.  This woman is SICK.  She needs help.  And the only motherfuckers I hate more in this instance than her are the fucking soulless pieces of garbage that let her keep getting the in vitro, despite the fact that she's single, unemployed and living with her parents in a goddamn 3-bedroom house.

Suleman has said she saved for the treatments by working double shifts and also used money from a disability award exceeding $165,000 that she received after an on-the-job back injury.

Yeah, what they don't mention here for some reason was the fact that she was working at a mental institution.  That's her field.  Mental fucking health.  Unbelievable.  Mentally unhealthy people are taking care of mentally unhealthy people.  And you best believe I know this stupid moo cunt is mentally unhealthy.  No sane person would behave in the manner she has.  If she was obesssing over any other thing besides having children, then she would be considered mentally unstable.

The benefits were discontinued last year.

The Suleman octuplets' medical costs have not been disclosed, but in 2006, the average cost for a premature baby's hospital stay in California was $164,273, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Eight times that equals $1.3 million. For a single mother, the cost of raising 14 children through age 17 ranges from $1.3 million to $2.7 million, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

Let's think about that for a moment.  Let's just... try to wrap our heads around this a little bit.  This stupid cuntlip went and got herself knocked up on PURPOSE, multiple times... despite the fact that she's single, living with her parents in a TINY house, and already has 6 children and is mooching off the government.

Can we do it?  Can we manage the head-wrapping?  Because I'll be perfectly fuckin' honest with you... my head can't fit around that kind of thinking.  I suppose this is a good thing, because if I could understand what she WAS thinking, I would be a stupid fucking irresponsible self-centered headcase, too.

I never, ever, ever, in a million or more years (for I am immortal) thought that I would have anything resembling respect for people like the Duggar family. (click if you dare...)  After all, in my mind, having more children than you need or than the world needs is a cardinal fucking sin, and warrants expulsion from my church.  BUT.  At least the fucking Duggars take care of themselves.  They don't expect the state to take care of their filthy swarm of waterhead funditards.  And at least they have them one at a fucking time.

But this idiot fucking bitch dumbass cuntbubble decided to go ahead and get pregnant artificially and then claim that her children are a blessing from God!  Uh... yeah, from PLAYING God.  She apparently doesn't think she's selfish at all.  I didn't watch the interview with Ann Curry, though it was on when I came home from work.  I did catch this part, which was reproduced at the end of the article I just linked in the previous sentence.  I'm glad her oldest kid has a little sense:

6-year-old Amerah told “Dateline” that she didn’t think eight more siblings is a good idea.

“Do you think it'll be fun to have a lot of brothers and sisters like that?” Curry asked.

“No,” Amerah said.

“Why not?”

“'Cause there's gonna be a lot of crying.”

“Do you think your mom's going to be okay with all those kids all the time?”

“She's gonna be stressed out all the time,” Amerah opined.

That kid is 6 years old and has more sense than her own mother.  I feel sorry for her.  She's gonna end up being the primary babysitter.

Little advice, Amerah?  It's never too late to start smoking weed.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Really? Is it really that big of a deal?

***Begin Disclaimer***

I wrote this blog in a haze of sleeplessness and anger, just so you know.  Any typos or misused words are the fault of exhaustion and steaming bitch rage.

***End Disclaimer***

Some of you may have noticed that we have a new president now.  I think I heard something about his inaguration on the news.  I know not everyone is fond of him or the things he does.  We'll always have that.  I happen to like him.  I happen to like him quite a bit, though I know some of you don't.  It's cool.  I'm sure there's a lot of things that you like that I don't care for in the least.

But the thing is, and here's the thing... I respect that other people have a different point of view from me.  I don't think any less of them as people, or at least I try not to.  I treat them as they would like to be treated, because, in the words of the President, "That's how I roll."

So you can understand why this article pissed me off so much... let me break it down for ya.

(Jan. 23) - Not everyone was happy with President Barack Obama's nod to nonbelievers and non-Christians in his inaugural address. And some of the stiff criticism about Obama’s religious inclusiveness is coming from African-American Christians who maintain that no, all faiths were actually not created equal.

And it's this additude that's gotten us in nearly every single bloody war we've ever fought.  As George Carlin once said:  "My God has a bigger dick than your God."

"For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness," the new president said.  "We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this earth," he also said.  Nothing too controversial, proclaiming that America's lies in its diversity.

But between those two statements, the new president got specific:  "We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus, and non-believers."

My own reaction to his use of "non-believers" was "I wish he'd just have called us athiests and agnostics... "non-believers" is so condescending.  But apparently if he'd done THAT... if he'd actually uttered the deplorable "A" word, he would have apparently lost some support from his people.  I mean... now I'm just pleased that he even mentioned us at all.

By mentioning, for the first time in an inaugural address, the 16.1 percent of Americans who check "no"’ when asked about religion, Obama turned it into the most controversial line in his speech -- praised by The New York Times editorial board and cited by some Christians as evidence that he is a heretic, and in his well-spoken way, a serious threat.

Wait... wait... he's seen as a heretic because he was actually being inclusive?  That he was showing that he cared about all the people in the country he's representing?  That he was reaching out to people who do not share his personal views?  Oh, of course, what blasphemy!  Doesn't sound at ALL like something CHRIST MIGHT DO, does it?
 
With that one line, the president "seems to be trying to redefine American culture, which is distinctively Christian," said’ Bishop E.W. Jackson of the Exodus Faith Ministries in Chesapeake, Va. "The overwhelming majority of Americans identify as Christians, and what disturbs me is that he seems to be trying to redefine who we are.’"Earlier this week, Jackson was a guest on the popular conservative Christian radio show 'Janet Parshall's America,' where a succession of callers, many of whom identified themselves as African-American, said they shared the concern, and were perplexed and put off by the president’s shout-out to nonbelievers.

What an ASS!  Where do I start?  Oh, well, let's start with the obvious... if the majority of Americans indentify as Christian, where does that leave the rest of us?  Are we somehow not REAL Americans if we don't go to a Christian church?  Are we suddenly not part of the culture of the country we WERE BORN AND RAISED IN?  So... wait... that makes us a minority, does it not?  So you're saying, basically, if you're in a minority in this country, you don't deserve to be a part of it.  If you don't wear a cross, fuck you, you're not an American.  Seems like a pretty funny point of view to take, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE BLACK, YOU ASS.  Here, substitute the word "white" for the word "Christian" in that statement and remember that people were saying things like THAT about people like you fifty years ago.  In everyday, polite conversation.

The president was not trying to redefine American culture with those statements, he was attempting, if anything, to unify it.  So get in line and hold hands, you asshole.

Parshall noted that atheists were celebrating the unexpected mention, and indeed they were: "In his inaugural address … President Barack Obama did what many before him should have done, rightly citing the great diversity of America as part of the nation's great strength, and including 'nonbelievers'’ in that mix,’" said Ed Buckner of American Atheists."His mother would have been proud,"’ Buckner said, referring to the fact that Obama’s mother was not a church-goer. "And so are we."

And so am I.

Jackson said he and others have no problem acknowledging that "this country is one in which everybody has the freedom to think what they want.’" Yet Obama crossed the line, in his view, in suggesting that all faiths (and none) were different roads to the same destination: "He made similar remarks in the campaign, and said, 'We are no longer a Christian nation, if we ever were. We are a Jewish, Hindu and non-believing nation.'

"Not so, Jackson says: "Obviously, Jewish heritage is very much a part of Christianity; the Jewish Bible is part of our Bible. But Hindu, Muslim, and nonbelievers? I don't think so. We are not a Muslim nation or a nonbelieving nation."’

Everyone does have the freedom to think what they want.  And you, Mr. Jackson, are perfectly entitled to your elitist, uninclusive, blinkered, short-sighted point of view.  Just don't be so surprised when you find out that everyone doesn't share your point of view and is in fact a little pissed off that you treat them like shit because they don't conform to your ideals.

And sorry to burst your little bubble, but it's not for you to say what nation this is.  It's not just yours.  It belongs to everyone that lives in it, everyone that was born in it, everyone who contributes to it.  Not only that, dumbass, but it's pretty common knowledge at this point in history that the founders of this nation were not all Christian; the majority of them in fact were agnostics and theists.  

With all the focus on Obama as the first African-American president, the succession of black callers to Janet Parshall's show was a reminder that the "community"’ is not a monolith, and that many socially conservative black Americans are at odds with Obama's views, particularly on abortion and gay rights. Nor do they all define civil rights in the same way.The Rev. Cecil Blye, pastor of More Grace Ministries Church in Louisville, Ky., said the president's reference to nonbelievers also set off major alarm bells for him. "It's important to understand the heritage of our country, and it's a Judeo-Christian tradition," period.

NO, Reverend Asshole.  We all live in this country, and we all have different points of view.  We all have different morals and ways of doing things and hairstyles and clothes and skin colors and birthmarks and accents and automobile accessories.  BUT WE ALL LIVE HERE.  We do indeed have the freedom to think what we want.  And I think if you're going to have a unified nation, then you're gonna have to get down off your high horse and accept that there are other people who believe differently than you do.

But his even bigger beef with the president, he said, is that a disproportionate number of "black kids are dying each day through abortion. President Obama is supportive of abortion, and that's a genocide on black folks. Nobody wants to talk about that as a civil rights issue."

Wow.  This guy is a fucking idiot.  Actually quite a few people want to talk about abortion as a rights issue... women's rights.  The right to choose.  You know why a disproportionate number of black women are getting abortions?  Because they have less access to birth control, because birth control costs money, and black people are living in a disproportionate amount of poverty.  Which, correct me if I'm wrong, SHOULD BE A BIT MORE OF AN ISSUE FOR A BLACK CHRISTIAN TO TACKLE.  How about we address THAT problem so that, oh, I don't know, all these black babies that you want to save will be able to eat real food and drink clean water and live in a house with a roof and a toilet that works.  Let's try to fix the world and the society these precious babies are being born into before we get our panties in a wad about scraping a little congregation of cells off the inside of a uterus.  Sound good?  Mmmmkay.

Ugh, the hypocrisy galls me.  Here are people who are supposedly fighting to be accepted in mainstream society, fighting misconceptions and indignities piled upon their race for generations.  Here are people who have been calling for unity and acceptance... and what the fuck do they do?  The moment one of their own--a Christian man of color--is elected to the highest office in the land, what do they do?  They jump his shit for reaching out and calling for unity and acceptance.

Don't these assholes see it?  Don't they understand that he isn't attempting to redefine America as a non-Christian nation in the least?  He's showing them the true definition of America.  We are a nation of many colors and creeds, and we always have been, right from the beginning.  We never were a Christian nation... we've just always been a Christian-dominated nation.  Now the dominion is fading, and those that want to keep the power most are the ones whining the most about losing it.

I like President Obama a lot, but I'm not thinking he's the second coming or anything.  He's only a man... he can only do the things one man can do.  He can't please us all, and he can't make us all get along.  But, sorry for sounding like I'm kissing his ass, he's doing a damn fine job of considering everyone.  I just hope he doesn't bend over backwards to pacify these religious bullies because they're a portion of his major voting block.

"I like your Christ.  I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."  --Mohandas Karamchand Ghandi

"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."  --George Carlin

Saturday, January 17, 2009

I just know these assholes are going to get their own TV special.

In these hard times, a lot of us have found the value in cutting back on the amount of resources we use.  We have gone without the things we wanted because we know they're superfluous and expensive.


So tell me, then... do you really HAVE to give birth to fucking QUINTS?

Yes, my friends, I'm about to take the piss out of an article again.  It's yelly time.  Enjoy the show, and watch out for flying head explody.  Because, you know, this is the kind of thing that makes my head parts go boom.

Jones quintuplets arrive
Four girls and one boy born at Seton Medical Center Austin.
By Andrea Ball
AMERICAN-STATESMAN STAFF


Austin, meet the Jones quintuplets: Ryan Elizabeth, Lila Addison, Brooklyn Faith, Jack William and Britton Grace.

Jesus titty-fuckin' Christ, would you look at these names.  What the hell.  I mean, it's not as bad as the Palin kids' names, but daaang.  Ryan Elizabeth's going to be a lesbian, Lila Addison is going to grow up to write terrible murder mystery/romance novels, Brooklyn Faith is destined for the stripper's pole, Jack William's either going to be a used car salesman or a meat manufacturer, and Britton Grace is going to most likely end up in the top of a tower with a rifle yelling "WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?  WHO'S LAUGHING AT MY NAME NOW, MOTHERFUCKERS?!?!?" madly, red-eyed from years of ridicule and shame.  Well, I know that's how I would have ended up if I'd been named Britton fucking Grace.

The four girls and one boy, all of whom weighed between 2 pounds, 2 ounces and 2 pounds, 13 ounces , were born shortly after noon Friday at Seton Medical Center in Austin with help from a team of about 30 doctors, nurses and medical professionals.

Thirty of them?  Really?  Seriously?  All 'cause mama couldn't lay off the in vitro?  You know there's a shortage of medical professionals right now.  They would have probably been put to better use helping the people who find that ONE CHILD AT A TIME IS REALLY ENOUGH.

The infants, who are 10 weeks early, have the typical problems associated with prematurity, said Dr. Patrick Hodges , a neonatologist helping tend to the babies. They need help breathing and keeping a steady body temperature, but they are in stable condition and doing well, he said.

You know, if she'd given birth in the wild, wolves would have devoured all her young by now.  It's the circle of life!

"We couldn't be happier," said Ethan Jones, the quintuplets' father.

Yeah, god knows what it's going to cost them in medical bills and how long the hatchlings are going to be in the hospital and being sickly children they'll probably all get sick at the same time and the amount of diapers they're going to go through, but they couldn't be happier!  Is this some weird definition of the world "happy" that I haven't heard about?  'Cause lemme tell ya, happy for me, personally, is the exact opposite of what this guy has just described.

The quintuplets' mother, Casey Jones, underwent a Cesarean section and experienced no complications, said obstetrician Dr. Stephanie Reich . Jones is expected to leave the hospital in four or five days. The quintuplets are expected to remain in the hospital for several months, Hodges said.

I'm sure I was going to say something snarky here, too, but all I can think of is that Grateful Dead song.  Casey Jones, you better watch your speed.

Although quintuplets are rare — about 70 sets of five or more babies were born in the United States in 2005 — they are not unheard of in Central Texas. In 2007, Rachelle and Jayson Wilkinson of Cedar Park had five babies.

They're really not so rare these days, not with in vitro and fertility treatments the way they are.  So this paragraph is stupid, and I'm going to kick it in the nuts now.

Casey and Ethan Jones, who have been married almost 10 years, struggled with fertility problems before using intrauterine insemination to conceive their first daughter, 4-year-old Eliot. Last summer, the couple used the procedure again and got pregnant with quintuplets.

One's not enough for ya, huh?  You just HAD to have FIVE MORE, didn't ya?  Well thanks for popping out some more air-breathers, lady.

Doctors suggested the family consider "selective reduction" — a process by which some of the fetuses are aborted early in the pregnancy to reduce risks to the mother and other babies. They refused.

Because they're fucking stupid?  I mean, they'd rather risk the lives of every single fetus AND the mother than just reducing the set down to twins?  Even triplets would make more sense!  Jeeesus, scrape a few extra cells out, lady!  Your womb doesn't fucking belong to Wonder Woman!  I mean, obviously, everything turned out fine, but I don't think these people have realized... they're givin' birth to FIVE premature, sickly children who need a ton of medical attention in the middle of the worst goddamn recession we have seen in quite some time.  Plus, if they'd aborted some of those fetuses these poor babies might not have been saddled with those horrible names.  Doesn't anyone care about the children anymore?  I beg of you.  Have an abortion today.  Do it for the future.  Do it for the children.

An American-Statesman story Thursday about the couple triggered a flood of positive and negative comments on the newspaper's Web site. Some criticized the couple for using insemination and for refusing to abort some of their babies. Some praised the Joneses' commitment to their children.

Yeah, real great commitment to your children, bringing them into a worldwide financial crisis and giving them stripper names.

The couple were also discussed on a local radio show, where people lobbed some of the same remarks.

Those comments stung, Ethan Jones said. But he said he thinks they are off-base.

No, they're all valid opinions, dude.  And as much as I know this is your personal decision and you're the one who's gonna deal with five shit-factories, I still think you should get some fucking criticism for inflicting five more fucking cabbages on this planet when there's plenty of people already here that need to be cared for.  And the Childfree are called selfish.  Unbefuckinglievable.

The chances of becoming pregnant with quintuplets were astronomically low, he said. The pair never imagined this would happen but believed God created the babies for a reason, he said. The couple — who have received a lot of support from members of Riverbend Church — chose to share their story with the public because they wanted to show people how the faith community can rally together in times of need, Jones said.

Hold on.  Hold on.  Hold on.  Wait.  GOD created the babies for a reason?  Excuse me?  YOU got the fertility treatments.  YOU were the ones who went to medical science to boost your baby count when YOU were the infertile ones.  Do you people EVER consider that possibly, JUST POSSIBLY, that it was GOD who made you infertile in the first fucking place?  Did you ever consider that God was just like:  "Nope, fuck this, there's no way I'm lettin' those idiots breed.  They're gonna give all their children retarded-ass names and have too many of 'em.  Infertility for you!"  Oh, and the faith community rallies together in times of need?  Let me ask you, is getting knocked up on purpose with a fucking litter really hard times?  Are you really suffering through rough days if you can afford IN FUCKING VITRO treatments?  Aren't there, oh, I don't know, people out there who need a LITTLE more help than a couple of goddamn idiots who wasted their money thwarting God's will?

Over the next few days, the couple plan to rest and focus on their new babies. Big sister Eliot will meet her siblings very soon, he said.

"She's very excited," he said. "I don't think she has a clue what she's in for."

Dude, I don't think YOU have a clue what you're in for.  But, hey, it's your life.


Why are the mental faculties of these people not being questioned?  Why do they get free shit just for cheating nature?  Why do stories like this piss me off so much when it really should be none of my business?  Well, I can at least answer that last one.  It's none of my business what people do with their garbage, but I get pissed as hell when I see them littering.

Yes.  I just compared giving birth to littering.  And yes, I mean it.  There are too many people on this planet and too little resources for them, and more and more babies are being born every day because "life is pweeeeshious".  You know, if you really believed that, you would cherish the life of the things you kill to survive.  You would cherish the woodlands and the animals we have, and not mow them down to make room for your McMansion communities and your shopping centers and your goddamn overpriced family restaurants.  We are the litterbugs.  Humanity is the pollution.  And while I am not advocating culling the fold here, I am advocating a little more responsibility.  If you really want a child, one or two is a responsible number.  There's no need to be fruitful and multiply anymore.  We kinda have that down pat.  You don't even have to look at the population statistics to know there's too damn many people on this planet.  All you gotta do is look at a Wal-Mart parking lot.

"Can you lay off the rutting until we figure out this whole food/air deal?  THANK YOU!"  --Bill Hicks

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss!

So.  I transferred this blog over to my suddenly brand new Google account blog profile thingy whatever.  The only appreciable difference to you is that I have capital letters now and a new profile.  This is just easier for me to do, since I don't even touch my other two blogs.  And whenever I go to Blogger, Chrome automatically signs me in to the new account and I don't have to go through the bother of signing in.  For some reason, in any browser I use, my old sign-in info won't autosave.  And I likey autosave, I do.


Yes, I am so lazy that sometimes I did not even post here because I just didn't want to bother signing in.  That is sad.  You may weep for me now.

I might have a real post later.  But for now, this is it.  Yeah, woo.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Answers to the questions that burn inside you.

So... what the fuck.  I find out I have an entirely new Blogger account.  I just started using Google Chrome as a browser (very nice, btw) and got me a gmail account and all manner of such fanciness... and I go to Blogger and it's got me signed in as El Sid but with an entirely different account?  Uh... heh?


I just hope this won't prove to be a pain in the ass parts.

I started Twittering again!  To celebrate, I will spend the next three hours trying to upload a new picture.

What else.  It's cold and miserable outside and I want to just drink coffee until I explode in a warm rush of dark fluids.  Figures my day off would be all wet and miserable.  Ugh.  I'm too blaaaah to even rant about things.

I thought about going ahead and posting the answers to the quote challenge in the previous blog, because I'm sure that everyone already saw the answers on my Facebook anyway.  But here they are...

1.  Harold And Maude (V got this one right)
2.  Labyrinth (don't you wish David Bowie would say that to YOU?  Well some of us do.)
3.  The Lost Boys (Trash got that one correct)
4.  The Adventures Of Baron Munchausen (this one was a little hard for anyone who's not as rabid of a Terry Gilliam fan as I am.  this movie was considered to be a bit of a flop but I think it's fucking genius.)
5.  Donnie Darko (all the cool kids like it but couldn't possibly explain it to you)
6.  Blade Runner  (nothing like the Philip K. Dick novel--Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?--it was based on, but both are excellent.  Blade Runner is a little more sentimental and serious... Androids is a little more cynical and less empathic.)
7.  The Big Lebowski (you were close enough, Trashman.)
8.  Rushmore  (my indie tits are showing)
9.  Velvet Goldmine (I thought for SURE V would get this one.)
10. Pulp Fiction  (Trash was all right on this one.  Christopher Walken is awesome.)
11. Bubba Ho-Tep  (everyone should see this movie now.  NOW.)
12. Shaun Of The Dead  (good guess, Trash, and correct as it turns out.)
14. Army Of Darkness  (second guess was right, Trashman.)
15. Edward Scissorhands  (and V got this one right, too!)

Well, I sure hope that excited you, because man am I exhilarated right now.